Everyone who’s discovered their partner’s indiscretions almost always says the same thing: “I wish I’d never found out.” Processing the fact that your partner has been banging someone else is painful enough.All asking for the details will do is give you things to torture yourself with and images that will never leave your head.Ignorance isn’t exactly bliss in this case but it’s a of a lot less painful. Despite the seeming obviousness of it, most infidelities about sex.If you want to understand, then you don’t want the “whats” or “hows”, you want the “whys” – the motivation behind the affair. Cheat-proofing your relationship isn’t as simple as constantly upping the crazy sex you’re into or fucking your partner into a coma; in fact, this belief tends to end up assigning part of the blame to the other partner who’s been cheated on.
So what’s the right choice when it comes to dealing with being cheated on? If your partner cheats on you, is it better to adopt a zero-tolerance policy or to put it all behind you?
Other times it’s a matter of one partner simply panicking and lashing out.
For some people, cheating on their partners is a way of punishing them or getting revenge for some slight; even if the other partner never learns about the affair, that secret knowledge serves as a sort of reprisal, a trump card that can be dealt at any time.
We have a mental image of what a cheater looks like and why they do what they do – they’re selfish, they’re predatory, they’re egotistical, they don’t “really” care about their partner, etc.
But while the cartoon villain in our heads is easy to rail against, in practice however, there tend to be levels of nuance that can take easy, obvious answers and make them incredibly complicated after all.