The choice is whether you want to be explicit about how (and how much) of a role they play or whether you want to leave them as unspoken biases.
With your beliefs in check, you’ll be better able to get beyond the emotion and facts to the values the person holds that are being compromised or violated.
Ignoring, stifling, or invalidating them will only drive the toxic issues underground.
This outdated notion is one reason people resort to passive-aggressive behavior: emotions will find their outlet, the choice is whether it’s out in the open or in the shadows.
Myth #2: We don’t have time to talk about people’s feelings. Avoiding the emotional issues at the outset will only delay their impact.
Do you have time for backroom dealings and subterfuge? And when people don’t feel heard, their feelings amplify until you have something really destructive to deal with. Emotions are already affecting your decision making.
Emotions are clues that the issue you are discussing is touching on something the person values or believes strongly in.
You know, the one with tissue-thin skin who expresses frustration, sadness, or worry through tears.
Or maybe you have a screamer, a table pounder who is aggressively invested in every decision.
This is critical because your criers and screamers are further triggered when they don’t feel understood.
The key is to have a discussion that includes facts, feelings, values.