we go about finding the kind of person who can meet our emotional needs and share our core values?
But within three to four months, Darnay says, it's back to the new car analogy for one more spin around the relationship block."We go round and round, and we date and we date some more and we think, yes!We have finally found the secret to landing that perfect mate.One of the most common mistakes: Believing that a person whose looks and personality you like also possesses the important qualities you for a long-term relationship -- before you really know the person."There's something called cognitive dissonance -- meaning your head believes one thing and your heart believes something else.When you are in the throes of those toe-curling tingles, believe me, your heart is going to overrule your head every time," says relationship coach and matchmaker Melissa Darnay, author of When your sense of logic finally does come back -- which Darnay says takes about 120 days from your first toe curl -- suddenly your heartthrob may not seem so appealing.It's equally frustrating when you're still "feeling the buzz" and your partner isn't.They are the tenets you grew up believing and that deep down inside still seem to fit into your life no matter what else changes," says Jo Anne White, Ph D, a therapist and instructor at Temple University.Indeed, White tells Web MD that no matter how many qualities you put on your list of "must haves," nothing matters quite so much as finding someone who shares your core values."Think about relationships you've had -- or currently have -- that bring out the best in you," says psychologist Dennis Lowe, Ph D, founding director of the Center for the Family at Pepperdine University in Los Angeles and a professor of psychology."Think about the relationships in which you have felt you could grow and the ones that left you feeling fulfilled.Not just romantic relationships, but any relationships with family and with friends." Also important: Think about the people who make you feel safe and secure, the people with whom you can be yourself.