Almost seven months after that fateful night in early July, the decision was taken out of my hands. It destroyed me in ways that I will never be able to explain to anyone.The only positive outcome is that it forced me to get really serious with myself and work hard with a good therapist to figure out the reasons why I’d done some of the things I’d done. Even though I’d lost my “true love,” the other woman was still there and waiting.I eventually started seeing her regularly, but there was never any real feeling or connection there, despite the fact that I tried to force it.
I’ve mentioned a bit of this story before, but I’m going to tell you a very intense part that I’ve never had reason to tell before. I was in love with the one I was dating at the time, but I was scared of some things I saw in her (and things I saw in myself, too, even if I wasn’t honest enough with myself at the time to see it that way).I told her which choice made sense to me — based on what she was saying — but I told her whether she agreed or not, she had to make a choice. (I gave her my card and asked her to let me know what she did.) After she walked away, all I was left with was to ponder my own history — and my own devastating loss.I watched the love I wanted and needed get washed away because of my indecision.She told me about how she had grown so much since she had known me and that she was afraid of what would happen to her without me. and we were still talking when the place closed at 11. I tried to explain why I needed to marry the other woman — that I loved her and that we were more compatible — but it was gut-wrenching. I knew who I loved, but I couldn’t bear hurting the other woman as I was.We moved to stand in the parking lot near our cars for another hour or two. I told her that it was what I wanted and needed to do — and that’s the way we left it when we finally parted around 4 a.m. And the more I thought about that, the more I found excuses to justify delaying a decision. To make a long story short, early in the week, I made one of the worst decisions of my life. The one I loved begged me to marry her, and I knew it was what I wanted.So while she’s been waffling about who to choose — and felt she had plenty of time to keep waffling — she feels that she’s run out of time.She has to decide now — and she’s scared of making the wrong choice.Life doesn’t come with convenient signposts letting us know which is the path to happiness and which is the path to misery, so we’re stuck taking blind gambles. And we frequently end up with regrets that we carry to our graves. Sometimes we have chances to change mistaken choices we’ve made. But all along the way, we’re guessing and hoping, no matter how much thinking and reasoning we bring to bear on our choices.There’s also a reason that we don’t write many songs about which husband can build you the bigger house. I told her the story that I’ve just told you, and I told her that the worst thing she can do is to keep trying to sit on a fence between them.As you go through life, it’s the emotional connection and understanding that count. Even if she can’t see how it’s going to happen, trying to have it both ways was going to mean . We had a long and intense conversation Saturday afternoon, but I might never hear from her again.