I'm not saying you can't make a move until you've figured out you want to marry her.I'm just saying you need to evaluate what you know about her and decide whether there's something about her that intrigues you. But if there is, don't just sit on your hands and hope she figures it out.There was a time during my unmarried years when I griped that the only women who were drawn to me were "old ladies, female relatives and little girls." I wondered what was wrong with all the eligible bachelorettes who were overlooking me. I might have realized that I was trying so hard to get dating right that I just ended up getting it weird.I think back to the many first dates where I discussed my thoughts on marriage before we had even finished our meals — weird.And as you make these investments in the relationship, they will provide little sources of momentum in your pursuit of the title "boyfriend." The problem comes when you assume that winning that title means you've won her heart. No matter how confident and emotionally stable a woman may be, she will always need to be reassured of your love — not just while you're dating, but throughout engagement and all the different phases of marriage. Putting a ring on her finger — even a wedding band — won't totally resolve her lingering insecurities about whether your love can be trusted. The thing is, after you get married, what you in your pursuit of her heart.Your words will still matter very much, but to breathe new life into phrases like “I love you” and “You’re beautiful,” you’ll have to practice the art of thankless chores, unconditional forgiveness, unconditional apologies, random acts of sweetness, and spiritual leadership, to name a few.So I said, "If you don't mind me asking, what do you think this relationship is? I'm not sure where this relationship is ultimately going, but when I meet a woman who is as beautiful, intelligent and spiritually mature as you, I don't spend time with her so that I can make a new 'friend.' I've got plenty of those. I just want to make sure you understand that." "Oh," she said, seeming taken aback by my forwardness.
Talking and praying through your issues with these mentors will help you change and be more confident as you introduce the real you to women.
And my approach was a lot better than some of my friends, who were spending all kinds of time with women without ever making their intentions clear.
As it turns out, even though my wife was, in fact, taken aback by my bluntness, she also liked it very much.
I'm not saying that you've got to be fully mature to pursue a woman, or no man would ever get married.
What I'm saying is, if you've got a drinking problem, major credit card debt, serious daddy/mommy issues, a porn addiction — if you've dropped out of college multiple times and you can't keep a job, please don't invite a woman into that mess.