The truth is you could spend your life with more than one person. Get to know yourself.” And as soon as the person you are dating smacks his or her gum the wrong way, you are out. I heard don’t have sex before marriage so much I actually believed getting to marriage a virgin was the only important thing. In the process, I filled my heart and mind with lust, and I secretly struggled with pornography. Christians, instead, need to teach the importance of a pure mind. Make sure God is the center of your life before you start dating. Don’t start dating without an assurance of God’s love for you and a solid understanding of the gospel. Dating with a trajectory towards marriage means dating with a purpose. She met my dad in college, stalked him at a few basketball games, went to a school banquet, and was engaged after several months. After college I started working and never looked back. But it wasn't until my 30th birthday, when I sat on the couch with another piece of birthday cake and asked myself, "Um, what happened? Enter Eve, pro-creation, and marriage (not necessarily in that order). And the most intimate community on earth is the relationship you will have with your spouse. Disclaimer: If you are single (or if you’re married), steward your time well. “Sex before marriage is bad.” This was the extent of my understanding of Christian dating as a teenager and young adult. But understand purity begins with the mind and heart. If you aren’t ready to date, don’t allow the cultural pressure to override God’s plan. I know too many men and women who refused to listen to people around them, and their prideful arrogance resulted in a failed marriage. Find men and women you trust, and allow them to speak into your relationship.Dating with a trajectory towards marriage doesn’t mean you only date one person ever. So, if you choose not to get coffee or watch a movie with the opposite sex, then whatever. The ultimate purpose of marriage is sanctification (becoming like God). If you have no idea what values are important to you in a future spouse, exit the road to marriage at the next off ramp.
The weird thing is, I've always wanted to get married. I wasn't a man-hater who wanted to go it alone in the world. I wanted a story like my mom's, though naturally with less hardship and more disposable income (I'm a Gen-Xer, after all). I've got a cool job, comfortable home, close friends, and a full schedule. They wonder where they went wrong, and what they should be doing differently now—if it's not too late. I've wondered whether I'm too "strong" to attract a guy's attention. It is time for Christians to start talking about dating. Establishing principles for Christian dating will set men and women on a course towards Christ-centered marriages. Here are 10 important principles for Christian dating. That would make God a gambler, and the Bible clearly says gambling is from the devil (only joking). Marriage isn’t as much about finding someone totally compatible as it is about committing to someone despites difficulties and differences. I fear this mentality in the dating culture is actually promoting divorce. Suddenly, when marriage begins, you are asked to flip a switch. It allows you to jump into marriage with a clear conscience. The trajectory of lives and eternities are in the balance. Laying out guidelines for dating as followers of Jesus will alter lives by keeping people out of toxic and unhealthy relationships (and ultimately marriages). “The one” says you need to find the perfect person. The beauty of marriage is God sustains you despite your flaws. The shells of a shotgun are stuffed with tiny round balls. You are asked to go from a mentality that says “End a relationship as soon as difficulty arises,” to one that says, “Don’t end the relationship regardless of the difficulty that arises.” That’s a tough switch to flip. ) I would venture to say that there are still a decent concentration of Christian singles hovering around.I say this with confidence, because traveling across the country to speak has allowed me the opportunity to meet some of the most amazing singles! So here’s my quick list of the top 10 places to meet Christian singles (in no particular order). This issue shapes our young people, friends, and family more than we could ever imagine. “Let’s just sit back and see what happens” might work in certain scenarios, but Christian dating isn’t one of them. I hope and pray these words spark conversations in your ministries, relationships, and homes. If you need to take a minute to let that sink in, I will be here when you get back… Here’s the deal: marriage isn’t a divine lottery where every person has one winning ticket. Hopefully one will end up as my spouse.” Not a good idea. So, the default for years is to leave as soon as a flaw arises. This requires discipline, restraint, and abstinence from activities that don’t promote holiness. A pure mind might be the greatest gift you can give your future spouse. ____________________ I hope this discussion continues. I pray parents, church leaders, friends, and family begin to spark conversations about God’s design for dating. Most importantly, guidelines and principles for dating will transform lives and shape eternities. The brokenness you see in yourself and the brokenness you experience from your spouse point both of you to the only perfect one, God. When you pull the trigger, these balls spread over a large range, increasing the chance you hit the target. I know because I hear from hundreds of single women who want the same thing, but the script isn't being written to their liking either. One thing's for sure: I know I'm not alone.I think the problem we face isn’t that our churches don’t have enough singles, it’s that our singles don’t have enough of a clue (ouch, I said it!!!! But I don’t blame them, because we’ve been sort of brain-washed into avoiding dating and staying in the friends-for-life-grey-zone for far too long. So why not take a chance this weekend and ask someone out for coffee? Most churches have plenty of groups of different topics, interests, age groups and locations.So find a group that matches your style, and jump in.